


Whoops

by YouHaveBatBreath (orphan_account)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Batjokes, Identity Reveal, M/M, Propositions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 06:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11754078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/YouHaveBatBreath
Summary: Requested by anon on Tumblr as part of my 1 week fic challenge~~Anonymous saidhey!! can you write a fic where j figures out batman's identity, and how he decides to deal with that?





	Whoops

It was an accident really. Joker hadn't been planning to try and unmask Batman. He was as surprised as the vigilante was when Batman’s cowl hit the wet ground with a crack. Joker could only stare for a moment in stunned silence at the face revealed before him.

It was raining. There was a storm raging above their heads, warm summer winds butting against the cool winter ones and battling it out in the sky over Gotham. The rain was the reason that the whole fiasco had started with the Joker and Batman. 

They had been fighting as usual, but the addition of rain making the ground slick and their vision impaired made it infinitely more of a challenge. Close combat was dangerous, and one misstep brought the house down around them. 

Joker’s foot slipped as he tried to step back from Batman's charge and he found himself falling, his hands reaching out to find any sort of stability. One hand grabbed at the back of Batman’s neck, but he didn't stop, and as he fell his clenched fingers pulled the mask, and Batman himself shortly afterwards, along with him. 

That was how Joker found himself laying flat on his back in the middle of the street as the rain poured around them and lightning flashes lit up the night like daylight. It was how he found himself staring up into the very surprised baby blue eyes of the one and only Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and Gotham’s prince. 

For the briefest of moments he considered laughing. He could feel it bubbling up inside of him like a boiling pot, but for some reason all that could make it out of his lips was a strangled giggle. One reason being that it was hard to breathe with the rain pouring down on his face and Batman’s heavy frame laying on him and kind of crushing his lungs. The other reason was that his brain couldn't process how mind-blowingly beautiful he was. Even with the rain soaking his hair and making it stick to his face he was gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes and perfectly pink lips that glistened with rainwater.

“Wow.” He breathed it out almost reverently. “Didn't see that one coming.” A look of complete panic washed over Bruce’s features and he was off of Joker before the villain could think to react. Joker propped himself on his elbows and watched the billionaire scramble for the cowl and jam it back onto his head. 

“Never speak of what you saw.” The gravelly tone of Batman’s voice was broken, as if he couldn't keep up his charade as is fell around him, and now that Joker was looking for it he realized just how easy it was to hear Bruce Wayne bleeding through the cracks. 

Joker grinned widely, all of his shiny, sharp teeth showing in a blinding smile. “Sure thing, Batsy.” He said, throwing the vigilante a wink. “But you really should invite me to one of your parties some time, I hear they're quite the rage.” Even with the cowl on Joker could feel Batman’s anger as he disappeared into the night. 

Oh well, he stood up and shook the rain out of his hair. His head hurt a little from hitting the ground, but his excitement at his new discovery topped all of that and made it seem completely unimportant. He really had no reason to stay out in the rain anymore now that Batsy had left, so he limped away from the makeshift battlefield, crazed, excited laughter spilling out of him the entire way. 

~

Bruce was really mad at himself. Mostly because he had panicked when his identity had been revealed to his greatest enemy, and less so that his identity had been revealed in general. It was infuriating to think that Joker now had the upper hand over him just because he knew who he really was. He couldn't risk letting the maniac spill his secret, but if he went back to fighting him the joker might do just exactly that. 

He had rushed back to Wayne manor that night, and drank half a bottle of alcohol (he hadn't really paid attention to what _kind_ of alcohol) and promptly fell asleep. Waking up hadn't been a pleasant experience, but at least the throbbing headache that he got from his hangover temporarily kept his mind off of the fact that the Joker knew who he was. 

Hangover or no hangover, his stomach protested that he absolutely needed to have food. Giving in to his hunger he stumbled his way down to the kitchen, hoping that Alfred had made something simple for breakfast. He felt a terrible need for apple muffins. 

He wandered into the kitchen sleepily and barely paid any attention to Alfred who was appeared to be cooking something at the stove. He took a seat at the bar and buried his face in his hands, his temples throbbing. “What's for breakfast?” He asked, almost needing to clear his throat from how gravelly and rough sleep made it. 

A plate was set in front of him, carefully painted green nails adorning a hand that was very much _not_ Alfred’s. “Scrambled eggs and bacon, Batsy-Baby.” The Joker’s voice was giggly and happy and Bruce had the strongest urge to groan because who even was allowed to be so chipper in the morning. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He grumbled, his absolute lack of shits and his massive hangover being the reason that his common sense fled the room, and rather than attacking the clown in his kitchen he simply took the offered fork and munched on the food given to him. 

The green-haired man leaned across the bar, propping his face on his elbows as he talked. “Well, you see, Batsy, despite the fact that me and our _mutual friend_ don't get along, I think that me and you could get along quite well, don’tcha think?” Thick lashes blinked innocently at Bruce and all his mind could think was ‘ _Is he wearing glittery mascara?_ ’. 

“So we’re going to be best friends now?” Bruce’s voice was sardonic, he barely spared the Joker a glance. 

“Actually I was thinking of a _different_ kind of friends.” A piece of bacon stuck in Bruce’s throat when he realized what Joker was meaning.

“Are you crazy?” Joker gave him a flat look. “Okay, obviously you’re fucking insane, but why on earth would you even think I'd want to do something like that?”

Joker’s smirk could have made the most prudish of women to go warm. Bruce hated to admit that he did find the clown ridiculously attractive, but that was besides the point. “Because you, _Batman_ , take every opportunity that you get to put those hands of yours on me and I can't help but think that there’s something behind that.”

Bruce snorted. “Yeah, like the fact that you're a _villain_ and I'm supposed to bring you to justice.” 

“Here's a deal then,” _That_ look made _Bruce_ go warm. “I'll lay off the villainy if you agree, huh? Sounds like a good plan, wouldn't you say?” One slender, green-tipped hand slid up his arm, fingers dipping under his sleeve and chilling the warm flesh. Goosebumps rose on Bruce’s skin and he groaned audibly in defeat. 

“You can't ever tell _anyone_ about this, and definitely not about who I really am.” His voice was firm and weary at the same time. “Absolutely no one.”

The look a pure elation on Joker’s face brightened up the room. “Yay!” He slipped from his chair and danced around the kitchen like a fucking child who was told they could have an extra cookie. 

Bruce grimaced externally, but internally he couldn't help but to chuckle at the antics of his rival. “Just sit down and eat, you maniac.” He grumbled, hiding a smile as the green-haired clown did just exactly that.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you imagine being out late at night in Gotham when it's raining and stormy and hearing the Joker's laughter bouncing off the walls around you and thinking "oh shit I'm gonna die"
> 
> ~~~~BabyBatJokes on tumblr


End file.
